somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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