I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
