I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
