I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
