i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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