watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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