He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
