WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
