Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
