Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
