She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
