he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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