My nipple is on Facebook.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
