This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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