You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
