The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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