i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
