After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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