it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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