In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
