my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
