TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
