We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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