Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
