i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
