I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
