i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
