he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
