I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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