I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
