He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
