I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
