I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
