Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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