Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
