Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
