It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
