if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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