there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
