around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
