can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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