We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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