God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
