Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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