Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
