the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
