I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
