What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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