I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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