I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
