Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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