Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
