you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
