KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
