allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he puts the penis in happiness.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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