It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
All the doctor said was why
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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