I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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