I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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