I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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