It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize