Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
