just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
