Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.

(360): View more from Washington

im coming over.

Fav 8 3983 858
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.

Fav 13 3861 1976
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(702): View more from Nevada

You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

Fav 13 5537 1680
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(207): View more from Maine

Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.

Fav 49 1848 14224
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(512): View more from Texas

Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

Fav 18 8004 1554
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.

Fav 6 2076 1190
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(217): View more from Illinois

i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home

Fav 3 1154 681
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(256): View more from Alabama

It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'

Fav 6 1642 639
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(440): View more from Ohio

sorry for showing your butt to the bar

(513): View more from Ohio

sorry for licking your cheek

Fav 0 41 8
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