I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
