you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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