i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we made out on top of his cat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
