mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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