she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
