The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
