i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
