I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
