i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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