then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
