I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
