i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
