He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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