You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
