I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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